Monday, November 18, 2013

Seeing things. Or not really seeing things.

I can't see.  No, really. I'm as blind as a bat. Probably more than a bat. Probably more like a bat whose eyes have been removed.

Terrible eyesight runs in my family (although mine is the worst at a -9.50). Since nearly everyone in my family has had Lasik eye surgery and has loved it, I decided I would finally do it.  Oh, but guess what! Remember how I am as blind as a bat with no eyes? Lasik won't work for me. Go figure.

Instead, my doctor told me I could get something done called Visian ICL (Implantable Collamer Lens), where they insert a cool lens into your eye. Which is HD (high definition). And has UV protection.  I will soon have bionic eyes!! Maybe I should ask if they could put x-ray vision in there, as well...

Anyway, in preparation for this procedure, I was told that I need to go without contacts for the next 3-4 weeks. To give you an idea of what the next 3-4 weeks of my life will look like, I will use a picture of my dog.

As you all know, this is my dog, Madison. (Woof.)

1. This is how I see Madison with contacts. 
Pretty dog!

2. This is how I see (or don't see) Madison without contacts or glasses.
Yes, I promise there is still a dog there. 

3. This is how I see (AND don't see) Madison with my glasses.

Picture No. 1 is clearly the preferred choice (no pun intended). However, since wearing contacts is no longer an option for me, I obviously choose to see Madison while wearing my glasses (picture No. 3 above).

Here I am, with glasses. 
(I apologize for any hint of a duck face. 
I just feel awkward when taking selfies.)

The problems I have are that (a) the glasses are about 3-4 years old, so the prescription is about -1.5 weaker than what I need to see well out of (which is why Madison in picture No. 3 is not as clear as in picture No. 1); so (b) it makes driving difficult; (c) not having my full strength prescription gives me a headache because my eyes are constantly straining; and (d) I am only able to see straight in front of me, so if I look down (at my zipper or shoes), or to the left, or up, I have to turn my entire head that direction to see anything (again, see picture No. 3).

Solutions?

(a) There is no solution. I have to tough it out.  Helloooo blurry world.

(b) I have discovered that Casey's glasses are a -1.00 prescription... so if I put them over mine, I can see quite a bit better! I do this when I drive, so I'm not as much of a danger to those around me. Just call me "Six-Eyed-Sally."

(Another awkward selfie facial expression...)

(c) I have been drinking lots of Diet Coke to cope with my headache.

(d) Take my glasses off so everything is at least the same amount of blurriness?

These next 3-4 weeks are going to be so much fun.


In other news, Kennedy and I made some delicious cookies:

And she gave me a sweet present for my birthday. Gosh, I love her.
(It was a re-gift of some old movies she had gotten for free at Girl Scouts. She is so thoughtful. And it's the thought that counts, right?)

And the countdown to perfect vision begins!! Huzzah!

9 comments:

me said...

whats a couple weeks when it comes to the rest of your life? totally worth it!!

Kristin Cottle said...

I resigned to the idea of wearing glasses forever a long time ago. I don't want people poking around in my eye. So I just keep getting new glasses, though, happily for me, my prescription isn't as strong as yours.

Hopefully I can continue to get by with my non-eye-poking glasses and your eye-poking surgery will be a fantastic success! In that case, snorkeling will be much easier for you than for me and so you'll just have to tell me all about the blue lips on the humuhumunukunukuapaa you see as they swim by us...

the mom said...

I wish I could have gotten these bionic eyes myself... but, sadly, the technology was not around when I went lasik. But I'm very glad for the better vision the past 8 years... now I get to deal with aging eyes and readers...

I'm so happy we discovered 2 layer glasses helps!

Really happy for you...

Irene said...

I enjoyed your post as I usually do. You really make me smile.
I sure hope the surgery will give you the sight you so desire and deserve. I know how overjoyed I was with the lasik I had.
The cookies look yummy.. what kind were they chocolate chip roll outs?
What a thoughtful little gal Kennedy is. What a sweetheart.

Raising Helm said...

You are so darn cute! you make me smile and laugh as usual:) well i am excited for your new super human vision...but good luck with the blurred vision in the mean time at least you can/will see the light at the end of the tunnel:)Kennedy is so sweet. I hope you had a fantastic birthday... sorry for my delayed BIRTHDAY wishes. Love ya lady!

paul said...

As a kid I was always facinated with the Xray glasses in novelty books and stores. I think I would have found a way to buy them if they wer'nt so damned ugly. Even at 12 I had my standards.
I also have the can,t see curse. I got my fiirst contacts when I was in sixth grade and have been wearing eye correction of some sort ever since.
I'm far beyond lasik, too many problems. Now I'm wearing trifocal glasses and still get frustrated that I can't see certain things.
BTW it was great seeing you.

Jennifer said...

Very exciting that you get bionic eyes!! I'm so glad to hear you found that wearing two glasses in the meantime will help you see better too. :)

Brandon said...

Congratulations! So excited for you! Getting Lasik has made a HUGE difference for me. Although in the past year or so, my vision has started to deteriorate again. Will the method you're doing prevent that?

Maybe when Kennedy's older they'll have something like Google Googles (but better) that they can insert, so she'll be able to look at something, say a keyword, and have loads of information about it displayed right over top. How would that be?

Anonymous said...

I could not stop smiling as I was reading this since it reminded me so much of myself. I have been seeing blurry since I can remember and I am so afraid of getting that same response that I can't get lasik. But I'm anxious to know all about your bionic eyes experience. Good luck!