Monday, March 15, 2010

Dogs vs. Cats

If you don't frequent The Pioneer Woman's website, you are missing out. Especially the cooking section. Yum.

Anyway, she recently had a contest where people could send in photos of their cats (go here), and she would pick the winner(s) and award prizes. This was the well-deserved first place winner:

Doesn't he look perfect? You should go to that link and look at all of the submissions. There are some GAWgeous cats. And no, I did not just waste a bunch of time browing through photos of kitties when I have piles of work sitting on my desk waiting for me. I mean, who does that?

And I'm sure some of you have read the following, before, but I laughed the first time I read it, and I laughed when I saw it again, today. So I thought I would share:

Excerpts from a Dog’s Daily Diary:

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary:

Day 683 of my captivity:My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. The audacity!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow– but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released — and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe…for now…


the mom said...

that dog/cat thing always makes me laugh too. It's just so true...

Kay Chizzle said...

My Grandpa told me:

A cat is like a pretty girl - she chooses who she likes and only gives her attention those people.

A dog is like an ugly girl - looking for attention from anyone who will give it to her.

Ashley Rae said...

lol... nice, Kris.

Erin and Daryl said...

Ashely you crack me up girl! ha ha, you know whats so funny! I just found her sight for the first time a couple of days ago and added to my cooking list. I love her blog and I'm super jealous! I can't believe how many people respond in like 10 mins...crazy! She is a motivating woman I think! Lets get together for sure and look at her blog together:)

Sara said...

I'll have to check it out, cooking sites are always welcomed. :-)

I love the cat and dog thing. My sister does her blog from the POV of her cat (an adopted one named Nema who is missing part of one ear). So she has given her this whole back story of being a ninja assassin cat and all this crazy stuff. Pretty entertaining. And slightly out there. Just like my sis. ;-) Trav won't let us own cats, so we just have the happy, tail wagging dog. BTW, have you ever been on that site where people post pics of their cats and other people make up taglines for them? Pretty hysterical. You'd enjoy it.

Monica said...

Seriously one of the funniest things I've ever read. I will have to show Aaron. His whole family are dog lovers and I am a cat lover. I just don't think they understand cats. Maybe like owner, like pet? ha ha.

Jennifer said...

I thought the cat bit was very funny. I also surfed on over to the Pioneer Woman website for a while and thoroughly enjoyed my time spent there. Thanks for sharing!

Sarah said...

omg. I have seen versions of that. but that was making me CRACK up. it doesn't help that i'm at work so i have to hold it in. which i think was making me laugh harder. oh man.... thanks for that. it was so funny!!

Sarah said...

ok, can i just say i skimmed this again and it cracked me up again?!

Michelle said...

Oh thank you for this magnificent post, and whoever Kay Chizzle's grandpa is he is a genius.

LOL to that fat cat! Is there anything better than a fat cat? I say NO.

Raising Helm said...

Bravo! who would have thunk about creeping into the mind of a crazed cat??? I found it quite entertaining though. You have succeeded once again!!!

Kristin said...

I love this and it always makes me laugh. Thanks for posting it.

I'm afraid Grandpa Chizzle leaves me speechless.

Irene said...

How funnnnnnnnnnnnnnny The cat thing really made me laugh. Thanks

Angelique Archuleta said...

ROTFL!!! The cat diary is my Maverick to a "T". Except he would add something about the torment he brings in the middle of the night by MEOWING at the top of his lungs or pushing things off the dresser to get our attention! Stubborn cat. I am a cat lover, but man he's got problems.