Thursday, September 15, 2011

Time for some randomness

It's been a while since I've wasted your time with my random word vomit, and I figured it was long overdue. So, should you choose to continue to read this blog post, get ready for your time to be wasted. Sucks to be you.

You know how dogs lick themselves? Well, that sound is the absolute worst noise in the world. I'm just sitting here in the living room, minding my own business, and all of the sudden I hear "slurp. lick. smack. lick. slurp. smack. slurp. lick. lick. smack." And a disturbing chill travels up my spine. It's the one thing in this world that makes me want to rip my ears out and throw them on the ground and stomp on them until they're smashed to smithereens. But instead, after I regain my composure, I kindly nudge my dog so she'll stop making that atrocious sound. *shudder*

(I'll bet you had no idea I was such a good artist.)

I took a "health assessment" quiz at work. One of the questions was "Is your inner monologue positive?" And I don't know why, but it made me laugh. And then my inner monologue said "Ashley- you have a nice laugh." So then I clicked "yes" for the answer.

Does it weird anyone else out that bulbs (speaking in flower terms) multiply every year? The other day I dug up my irises to separate the bulbs, and there were like 20 of them for every 1 I planted last year. I find it kind of creepy for some reason.

I laugh at people who rock out in their car and sing at the top of their lungs while driving. And then I realize that I totally do the same thing. And people probably laugh at me. Because I'll bet I look ridiculous. But hey- at least I'm having fun.

Jack Handey is a genius. Why? He says things like this:

"I hope an animal never bores a hole in my head
and lays its eggs there because I might think I
have a good idea but its really just the eggs hatching."


"If you're ever on fire, I think it's best not to look
in a mirror, because that will really get you in a panic."

Genius. Pure genius.

It's getting colder. Yay! But it's getting colder. Boo! I have a love/hate relationship with fall. I LOVE it because it's so gorgeous and the temperature is perfect. But I hate it because it means that the cold, long, tedious, insufferable winter is just around the corner.

I don't like tomatoes. But my most favorite person in the world once told me that tomatoes help prevent prostate cancer. So then I thought that maybe I should start liking them. But then I realized that I don't have to worry about getting prostate cancer. So I shall continue to dislike tomatoes.

Something else I don't like? Riding in an elevator with random strangers. If there is an open elevator which is ready to go up, but someone is already standing in it, I will walk as SLOWLY as I can or I will stop and pretend to be looking for something in my purse so that they will go on up without me and I can wait for the next one. And if I'm in an elevator and see someone coming, my first instinct is to quickly push the "close door" button, but then I realize that might be kind of I refrain. Usually.

End word vomit.


Brandon said...

I'm so glad you blog! You brighten my day (which was unusually rotten, unlike the tomatoes in your post). Thank you for the smiles and laughs.

Shilo said...

Thanks for wasting my time!
I appreciate your word vomit.
I totally agree with you on the dog thing - especially at night when I'm trying to sleep...
Then there's the whole elevator thing, I am the EXACT same way. I kinda thought it was only me. Good to know I'm not alone!

the mom said...

LOLOL to your artwork. I'm laughing quite hard at your entire word vomit post right now...

Thanks for taking time out of your busy life to blog...

paul said...

I'm with you on the dog thing. We had a dog for 14 years and just adored him. He's been dead for three years and it's actually really nice not to have to put up with the licking and the drooling and the hair. Great post. Thanks for the laugh.

Sarah Jane said...

so i often sit on my porch and hang out. and i OFTEN see people drive by while picking their nose. it's like being a fly on the wall. and man, people are always in there knuckle deep, going to town and it's pretty gross. so singing in the car is way less gross than picking your nose in the car.

and I love your picture of harley. so cute.

Ariel said...

I so agree with you on the dog licking thing! I hate that sound. Gross! I also do the exact same thing with elevators. It is so awkward.

Jennifer said...

I like your dog art too. :) And yes, you are a good artist. I kind of like the multiplying bulb thing because I noticed (when I used to have a garden full of beautiful tulips) it produces lots of beautiful flowers without much effort. :) Though I probably should have separated them as well...