Saturday, February 7, 2009

A post void of all merriment

Apparently me going to a certain place twice this year (the name of the location is omitted in order to save some of you from having suicidal thoughts) is sending some people into depression. I just can't have all that weight on my shoulders. So this post is dedicated solely to ranting, hopefully making it a tad easier for all of you to feel a little bit better about your lives.
  • Jungle Jim's Playland is the cesspool of all infectious diseases. I have had to go there 2 days in a row this week and I think I would rather slit my wrists than go there again this year.

  • I love my crappy car until it decides to stop working. While I have 2 additional kids with me. At the squalid cesspool. After we've been there for 3.5 hours. Thank goodness for good samaritans with jumper cables.

  • I am so freaking sick of this cold weather it's not even funny. I'm not going to show even a fraction of exuberance that it's been in the 40's. That's still almost freezing.

  • I need some new shoes. Not want. Need.

  • First I need more money. Don't we all.

  • The more I try to eat "healthy," the more appealing that tub of cookie dough looks to me. And after I eat 1/2 to 3/4 of that tub of cookie dough, I begin the self-loathing process. And then I feel like I'm going to hurl because I ate enough cookie dough to feed an entire herd of elephants. Shortly thereafter I curse the world for providing sinful creations such as cookie dough. Then I curl up in a ball and sleep it off. The process is all very tiring.

  • As soon as Christmas was over, all my daughter can talk about is what she wants for her birthday. It's not until June. Let's see if she gets anything at all for her birthday. Ingrate.
There. Everyone needs a good rant once in a while. Feel better? I sure do.

(Trust me, if I could take you all with me to the location-which-must-not-be-named-because-this-is-a-merriment-free-post, I totally would.)

13 comments:

Sharee and Court said...

Dear Ashley,

So, I think you should be totally eating up going to Hawaii two times in one year!! Seriously! I Think you should rub it in everyone's face. And here is why:

1: It's 40 degrees here.
2: It's muc warmer in Hawaii.
3: Uh, it's Hawaii. Almost the greatest place on earth.
4: You will have a killer tan after two times there.
5: Did I mention that it's 40 degrees here, and that's during the daytime.

Love, Sharee :)

Ashley Rae said...

LOL! I love you, Ree.

Sara said...

You are too funny, your list totally cracked me up. So much for no merriment! ;-)

Chris said...

January and February are tough months in SLC. Luckily Feb. is a shorter month and it will start to warm up soon. Hang in there. As for those kiddie playland places *shudder*, they are one big ear infection waiting to happen. And instant migraines.
I say wrap yourself up in a blanket, have a cup of hot chocolate (and make some of that dough, go ahead) and read a good book. And dream of the white sand beaches....

the mom said...

Your exhausting experience with the cookie dough totally cracked me up.

the mom said...

Oh, and thanks for posting your dreams from last night over on my blog.... gave me a big laugh :)

the mom said...

And thank you for using the word squalid in your post.

Ashley Rae said...

I thought you would appreciate that. :)

Shopgirl1483 said...

yeah, i have a problem the cookie dough too. I get a major cravings for sweets all the time. Like, every day, pretty much.
It has nothing to do with trying to eat healthy. I just love cookie dough.

Shopgirl1483 said...

btw, I've never heard of this jungle jim place but it sounds awful. You deserve that cookie dough. :)

melanie33 said...

i tried to be excited about this post.. i really did.
i mean i know it was intended for me and all.
but sorry your rants just dont cut it. ok... well the needing more money? check. i get that. jungle jim's double check. still get it.

i wanted to feel you with the cookie dough rant but i couldn't believe you.
why you ask?
because your butt isn't the size of rhode island. it's not even a city in rhode island. not even a county. it wouldn't register on any map even. so until you can say (as i sheepishly can) that your butt is one of the seven wonders of the world that can be seen from space, well then you just don't have that much to complain about.

but thanks for trying. have fun in you know where. i hope the merriment abounds. and that you think of me here. in hell.

melanie33 said...

i am really not as depressed as that sounded. when i titled my post SLIGHTLY depressed, i really meant slightly. i just have a tiny tendancy to overreact. you may have noticed this about me. i also tend to lean on the side of sarcasm. just a bit.

oh, but my butt really is that big.

Raising Helm said...

All I can say is WOW! okay, I didn't even know the pitri dish still existed...It is amazing at the things you do and don't do when you have your own children. Playlands FREAK ME OUT!!! If my children ever get to enjoy them it is because I am not there-they would much rather keep their dry-heaving mother at home. I'm a party pooper. Well, cookie dough is good and HAWAII is even better! YEAH for TIME OUTS!